Lately, I've been navigating that precarious space of wanting no involvement with other people, and also realizing that my involvement and input is catalytic and necessary. For all the things I see and don't say... because I don't want to create tension... I fail to offer reflection.
I have a tremendous amount of gifts and abilities. For the most part, I can dual hemisphere this life, with the exception of numbers, which are not a language that computes well for me. At any rate, I have been realizing how underestimated I allow myself to be.
I allow people to not see the fullness of what my energy brings. I allow people to take advantage of me. I allow people to feign credit for my contributions, or really under value my contributions. I allow others to feign superiority when what they feel is insecurity.
I guess I think of it as a silent leadership. Rather than butting heads and forcing a situation, I try to demonstrate through action. But occasionally, events leave me with this gut feeling, and now i turn to the pages to pour that block into words... to liberate these feelings and truths into some type of material existence. To acknowledge to myself that... I Matter.
I want to be more open and honest, and perhaps I am now reaching that final ode when one dedicates to themselves that they will no longer allow people to do these things, and I start lookin' out for myself. It's just sometimes puzzling to have to explain things that involve, what to me feels like, basic human decency.
Humans are interesting beings. We all want to be unique and special and free, but if we get too far ahead of the heard, the heard will put you in your place. Someone will get threatened, or want to cut you down. So to some degree, hiding your shine is a way of protecting it... playing a long game, knowing that the water will wear away at the rock.. and your patience is the water.... and the rock is the reactive ego of tribal programming.